This is how we’re doing it / A recipe for a battered and happy brain.

1.       Take 1 song; this must consist of a guitar line, some kind of vocal melody and hopefully some rhetoric. Chop into pieces freely and as you see fit, make sure you do this part accurately or the rest wont work. Spread the pieces around the room. Hide the difficult parts under furniture and place the pleasant parts on the wall.

2.       Take 1 bassline (as beefy and melodic as possible) and 1 part of the song.

3.       Knead together and place on rotating plate. Spin continuously in front of drummer. If anybody begins to feel dizzy, spin them round on the spot at least 10 times.

4.       Take 1 groove out of the freezer and place it firmly underneath the rest of the mixture, shake until the bassline and drums form a sugary mesh.

5.       Cradle the rest of the song firmly on the canopy, don’t worry if it sinks a little into the structure and cant be torn free. Ignore any screams you may hear.

6.       Repeat for the rest of the parts of the song until you have 1 bowl for each.

7.       If any of the difficult parts of the mixture become pleasant, throw them onto the wall on top of the old parts you had there.

8.       Add alcohol to the room.

9.       Walk out of the room.

10.   Attempt to re-convene in the room for around 3-7 hours. Work very hard during this time, but be sure to forget what has happened immediately afterwards.

11.   When eyes glaze over and speech becomes more of a chore than a pleasure the song is ready.

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